When a grandparent dies, one of the first things parents face is telling their children. It is a conversation most people feel unprepared for, not because they do not care, but because they are grieving too, and finding the right words while managing your own loss is genuinely hard. In this blog, we cover what to say, how to say it, and how to support your child in the weeks and months that follow.
Children are perceptive. Even without being told directly, they can sense that something has changed. The adults around them are quieter, more distracted, or visibly upset. When children cannot make sense of what they are observing, they often fill the gap with their own explanations, and those explanations are rarely accurate or comforting.
Telling your child as soon as you reasonably can, and doing it yourself if possible, means they hear it from someone who loves them and can answer their questions directly. The death of a grandparent is also, for many children, their first encounter with death. They are not only managing the loss of that person but also the confusing and sometimes frightening questions about death itself. How you handle this conversation will shape how safe they feel bringing those questions to you in the future.
The most important thing you can do is use plain, honest language. Words like “died” and “death” are kinder than they might feel at the moment. If you say that someone has “passed away” or “gone to sleep”, your child may become confused or frightened in ways you did not intend. A child who is told that someone has “gone to sleep forever” might become scared of sleeping themselves, fearing they will never wake up.
Keep your explanation as simple as possible and follow your child’s lead. A short, honest statement is a better starting point than a detailed one. Something like: “I have some sad news. Grandma died this morning. That means her body stopped working, and she will not be with us anymore. I feel very sad, and it is okay if you feel sad too.” You do not need a script. What matters is that you are honest, present, and willing to sit with whatever comes next.
It also helps to have another adult with you during this conversation, particularly someone close to your child, so you have someone to support you.
Children will have questions; some will come immediately and others will surface days or weeks later. Young children might ask the same questions many times as they try to make sense of death, and this is completely normal. Some of the questions they ask might be:
“Why did they die?”
Answer this at your child’s level. A simple explanation of the cause, without unnecessary detail, is enough. Understanding the cause of death helps a child be less likely to think their loved one died because of something they did, said, or thought.
“Will you die? Will I die?”
Let your child know that most people die only when they are very old or very sick. Reassure them that you are doing everything you can to stay healthy, while being honest that dying is something that happens to everyone eventually.
“What happens when you die?”
How you answer this will depend on your family’s beliefs. It is fine to say that nobody really knows what happens after we die, and to add what your family believes. You do not need to have all the answers, and saying so honestly is a perfectly valid response.
There are no wrong questions. If your child asks something unexpected, try to answer it, because even unusual questions help them build their understanding of what death means.
Grief in children does not always look like grief in adults. Children can move quickly between needing comfort and asking challenging questions. They may cry, then ask to go outside and play twenty minutes later. Both responses are normal, and neither means your child is not processing what has happened.
An emotional response can be delayed. Your child may appear fine initially but could feel distressed days or weeks later, especially on a birthday or when reaching for the phone to call their grandparent out of habit. Minimising the loss by saying things like “they lived a good life” or “they would not want you to cry” can make a child feel that they are not allowed to be sad. Letting them feel what they feel without redirecting or rushing them is one of the more important things you can do.
It is also okay for your child to see you grieve. Explaining your feelings openly helps: “I am crying because Grandpa died, and I feel very sad that I will never see him again.” This shows your child that sadness is a natural response and that it does not need to be hidden.
Many parents instinctively want to shield their children from funerals and memorial services. Children who are not included may feel confused or resentful and wonder why they were left out of something so significant. If your child is going to attend, prepare them for what they will see. Let them know that:
Explaining to your child what has happened is not just a one-time conversation. Grief is an ongoing process, and children will continue to need to talk about the person they have lost. By openly discussing their grandparent, you demonstrate that it is okay to mention them and that doing so will not upset others further.
Sharing your own memories helps your child feel a sense of shared loss rather than carrying their feelings alone. It can also help to acknowledge upcoming occasions when the grandparent would usually have been present, such as a birthday or a family gathering, so the absence doesn’t take them by surprise.
Simple remembrance activities can also help:
Most children move through grief over time with the support of those around them. Some need more help. Speak with your child’s doctor if they have persistent trouble sleeping, eating, or handling daily responsibilities. Other signs that extra support may be needed include ongoing anxiety, withdrawal from family and friends, or, in older children, any risk-taking behaviour. There is a wide range of support available if needed; a children’s grief counsellor or bereavement support group can provide a space for your child to process their loss without feeling they need to protect you from their feelings.
There is no script that makes this conversation easy. What your child needs is a parent who is willing to sit with the hard questions, to say “I do not know” when that is the honest answer, and to keep talking about their grandparent long after the funeral is over. Your presence and your honesty are enough.
For additional guidance on helping a child navigate through grief, you can explore our available information and support.