Grief rarely moves in a straight line. One moment you are managing a hospital appointment or answering emails, and the next, you find yourself crying because a song comes on the radio that the two of you used to sing to together. If this back-and-forth feels confusing or even a little concerning, there is a psychological model that explains it well. It’s called the dual process model of grief, and it offers a more accurate picture of mourning than the idea that grief happens in fixed, orderly steps.
This article explains what the dual process model of grief is, how it works, and why understanding it can help you make sense of your own experience or support someone you care about.
The dual process model of grief was developed by researchers Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut in 1999. It describes grief as a process of moving between two different types of coping, rather than a single path you walk from start to finish.
Instead of picturing grief as a straight road, picture it as movement between two states. You shift between confronting your loss directly and turning your attention to the practical business of everyday life. Neither state is more correct than the other. Both are part of healthy grieving.
This dual model of grief challenged older ideas that expected people to work through their grief in a fixed order before they could move on. Stroebe and Schut argued that grief is more dynamic than that, and their original research paper, published in the journal Death Studies, has since contributed to how grief is understood and taught worldwide.
The dual process model identifies two types of stressors that people manage after a loss: loss-oriented and restoration-oriented. Here is a simple summary of what each of these stressors involves:
Loss-oriented coping involves facing the loss directly. This includes:
Restoration-oriented coping involves adjusting to life without the person. This includes:
One of the central ideas of the model is that restoration-oriented coping is not avoidance in a harmful sense. Taking a break from grief, watching a show, focusing on work, laughing with friends, is a necessary and healthy part of the process. You do not need to grieve constantly to be grieving well.
This is also where the dual process model of grief differs from stage-based approaches you may have heard of, such as the five stages of grief. Stage models are often understood as a fixed sequence, even though the original five-stage model acknowledged that people don’t always move through the stages in order. The dual process model goes further still: it does not tell you where you should be at a given point, nor does it suggest an endpoint you are working towards on a schedule.
The central idea in this grief model is oscillation. Oscillation refers to the natural back-and-forth between loss-oriented and restoration-oriented coping, sometimes within the span of a single day, and often much faster than that, within minutes or even seconds.
You might be driving, doing chores, or working through emails, all restoration-oriented tasks, when a song comes on the radio that pulls you straight back into loss-oriented grief. You find yourself in the depths of despair and sobbing one moment and returning to your to-do list the next.
Stroebe and Schut, writing in Grief Matters: The Australian Journal of Grief and Bereavement, describe this oscillation as an active, regulatory process. Your mind moves toward the pain of the loss when you have the capacity to face it, and moves toward restoration when you need rest or relief. Both directions serve a purpose. Confronting grief without pause can be exhausting, and avoiding it entirely can prevent you from adjusting to your new circumstances. The oscillation between the two allows you to do both, at a pace your mind and body can manage.
In practice, the dual process model of grief plays out in small, ordinary moments. You might:
None of this means you are grieving incorrectly. It means you are grieving. The shift between sadness and function, between remembering and getting on with things, is exactly what this model describes as a normal and healthy part of grieving.
Many people feel confused or guilty when they notice themselves laughing or feeling distracted soon after a loss, as though it reflects badly on how much they cared. The dual process model offers a different way to see it. Restoration-oriented moments are not a betrayal of your grief. They are part of how you carry it.
Stroebe and Schut built the model around the idea that healthy grieving requires both states in balance: facing the loss directly, and stepping back into everyday life. Someone who only confronts their grief, without any restoration-oriented breaks, is not grieving more deeply because of it. According to the model, they are missing half of the process, in the same way someone who only distracts themselves is missing the other half.
If someone you love is grieving, this grief model can help you support them more effectively. Rather than expecting a straight path toward feeling better, expect both sides of their experience, and be ready to support each of them.
This applies just as much to anticipatory grief, the grief that begins before a death, when someone is living with or caring for a person through a terminal illness. The same movement between facing the loss and getting on with daily life applies here too.
If you are grieving, or supporting someone who is, it can help to talk to someone who understands this process. You do not need to make sense of it alone, and there is no fixed timeline you are supposed to be following.
If you would like support, visit I Am Living for access to crisis hotlines and support services.