Knowing what to say to someone entering their end-of-life phase can feel daunting. We might visit them only once before they pass, or we might spend considerable time with them over several weeks or months. In either case, comforting both them and ourselves is very important. Accompanying someone on their end-of-life journey is an honour and a profound act of love and compassion.
This stage is a time to be fully present. That might mean listening and observing rather than talking. The person with a life-limiting illness may want to discuss dying, their fears, and their plans, or they might prefer to talk about other topics or not at all. Whatever the case, try to treat them as normally as possible. It can be helpful to think in advance about everyday topics they enjoy, such as sports or cooking.
Avoid saying things like, “I am sure you will be up and about in no time.” While it might feel supportive, excessive optimism disregards the reality of the situation and prevents them from expressing their true feelings. They may be very angry or sad and want to cry. Just being there and listening is often the most comforting thing we can do.
It’s okay to be honest and admit that we are not sure what to say. We can let them know that we feel uncertain; chances are they feel the same way. Allow the person to control the conversation and follow their lead. They may want to talk about memories, their life, or simply watch TV with us in silence.
Even if a person is unresponsive, we can still communicate. Hearing is thought to be the last sense to go, so don’t be afraid to talk. We should always be mindful of what we say to others in a dying person’s presence.
When our loved one is dying, it can be hard to know what to expect. There are many ways to communicate and show compassion. Just being ourselves and available is enough. While it may be a difficult time, it can also be a peaceful time where forgiveness and love are shared. Acknowledge that the end is near and offer help and reassurance. Ask if there is anything we can do for them, someone we can call, or any matters they need help with.