I Am Living

Learn how to sensitively inform friends and family about death. Find helpful tips and resources here.

When someone close to you dies, it can be hard to find the words to talk about it. Some people may worry about having to let everyone know. How you deliver news can have an impact on the person you are telling and affect your own grief. So when faced with the task of informing friends and family about the death of a loved one, it’s crucial to approach the situation with sensitivity and care.

Here are some things you can do to communicate this news respectfully and effectively:

Choose the time and place

Firstly, consider the best time and method to inform your friends and family about the death. It is often best to share the news in person, but depending on circumstances, you might want to make individual phone calls or send personal messages. Choose a time when you can have privacy and when your friends can offer support if needed. Make sure you switch off things like phones, radios and the TV. If you’re calling an elderly or vulnerable person, try to call them when you know someone will be with them, so that they have support.

Be direct and honest

When sharing the news, it’s best to be straightforward and clear about what happened. Use simple language and avoid ambiguity or euphemisms – for example it’s generally clearer to say they have died than phrases such as “gone to sleep”.

Often people who hear bad news can only take in a small amount of information. You may need to gently ask if they understand what you’re telling them, and what has happened.

Share details (if appropriate)

Depending on the situation, you may need to provide some context or details about the circumstances surrounding the death. However, be mindful of sharing too much information, especially if it’s sensitive or private.

When sharing details about the death, it’s also a good idea to be mindful of cultural sensitivities. Different cultures and religions have unique customs and beliefs surrounding death and mourning. For example, some cultures may have specific protocols for funeral arrangements, mourning periods, and expressions of condolences. Take into account the cultural background of both the deceased and the recipients of the news.

Often discussing practical matters like funeral arrangements, can be left for a separate conversation.

Express your feelings

It’s okay to express your own emotions when sharing the news. Let your friends know how you are feeling and how the death has affected you and your loved ones. Sharing your emotions can help others feel more comfortable expressing their own grief.

Respect their reactions

Understand that everyone reacts differently to news of death. Some may offer immediate support, while others may need time to process their emotions. Be patient and understanding of their reactions.

Give yourself time

Informing others about the death can be emotionally exhausting. If possible, share the responsibility with another close family member or friend. Take breaks between conversations to care for yourself and process your own emotions.

If you are closest to the person who has just died, don’t feel like you have to rush to tell other people until you are ready. It’s okay to take the time you need before reaching out to others.

Seek professional help if needed

If you’re struggling to cope with the loss or find it difficult to communicate with friends about it, consider seeking support from a therapist or counsellor who can help you navigate your grief.

A trained therapist can offer a safe space for you to explore your emotions, develop coping strategies, and find comfort in sharing your experiences.

Remember, seeking professional help is a courageous step towards healing and self-care during a challenging time.

See here for information about crisis hotlines: www.iamliving.org.au/connect/#crisis

Learn more about grief at: www.iamliving.org.au/topic/grief/