I Am Living

This is a very common question, asked by people who are grieving or accompanying someone in grief. We naturally want to fix it and stop the pain. The simple answer is that there is no timeline with an end point for grief. The intensity of early grief responses changes over time. We move through grief, not over it. Time, of itself, does not necessarily “heal all.” Time is most helpful when the griever feels safe enough to unashamedly feel the pain of their loss whilst also allowing themselves to be distracted from their grief by getting on with daily life (Dual Process Model, Stroebe and Shut).

Grief responses, are affected by many factors such as physical and emotional state; the meaning of the loss; relationship or significance of the loss; the circumstances of the death and the social support available. These variables allow for a wide variety of reactions, symptoms, experiences and durations, all of which can generally be considered “normal.”

“We should not speak past tense...

“We should not speak past tense. Love is a thing that does not fade in a faithful heart … Our love shouldn’t be dead because a person has died … We must reflect on all that was beauty and nobility in that person … so that the seed that has fallen may give a hundredfold harvest in the hearts and lives of others.”

Metropolitan

  –  Anthony of Sourozh

Source: ‘Healing After Loss’. Calvary Bereavement Counselling Service (2020)

https://www.calvarycare.org.au/public-hospital-kogarah/wp-content/uploads/sites/7/2016/04/Healing-After-Loss-2-MB.pdf

"Experiencing grief and loss...

“Experiencing grief and loss doesn’t mean that you have to “let go” or “get over” the person who has died.

Grieving is an ongoing way of adapting to this change in our life. In some ways grief is neither fully present nor finally absent. We learn over time to live with the absence of the person who has died, even if getting on with life and not grieving so deeply may feel like disloyalty.

Grief may contain many difficult emotions as well as happy memories. Recurrent grief is not like recurrent illness, memories of the person who died can be a bridge between the world with and without them. Although someone important to us has died, the relationship with them continues.

We do not stop loving them even though they are no longer physically with us”.

Adapted from Continuing Bonds

  –  Ed. D Klass, P Silverman & S Nickman 1996

Source: ‘Healing After Loss’. Calvary Bereavement Counselling Service (2020)

https://www.calvarycare.org.au/public-hospital-kogarah/wp-content/uploads/sites/7/2016/04/Healing-After-Loss-2-MB.pdf